6 things you should never do in a hotel room.

6 things you should never do in a hotel room

For two summers during Uni, in desperate need of money, I found myself trying to earn a bit of cash working as a chamber maid at my local hotel back in my hometown.

Let me just start by saying it was bloody hard work. In the first month I did the job, I lost a stone from carrying around bundles of laundry and running up and down stairs. I had to get up at a ridiculous hour to get into the rooms while the guests were having their breakfast. By the time I left the job, I was able to change a double bed in less than two minutes.

But being a chamber maid also teaches you that there are some pretty gross people in the world. It makes you a little wary of ever staying in a hotel again. It means that I now annoy everyone I know by always being super clean in hotel rooms.

Here are a few things you should never do in hotel rooms, from experience.

Lie in bed and throw biscuits at the wall.

I will never forget opening a door to find myself faced with what can only be described as biscuit armageddon. Someone had clearly got extremely drunk after a wedding, bought a packet of biscuits and just thrown them at the wall. They’d smashed everywhere. For a start, I don’t think I’ll ever understand the kind of person that would do this. But I really don’t understand anyone who would waste good biscuits like this.

Leave Babestation on as the last TV Channel you were watching.

The first thing most hotel room cleaners will do when going into a room is put a music channel on the TV. Listening to music is one of the only ways to relieve the boredom of cleaning loo after loo after loo. If the first channel that comes on is Babestation, we know what you were up to last night. We know we’re going to have to handle those sheets with extra care. It’s a complete joy. Switch it back to BBC1 and keep us in that ignorance is bliss state of mind.

Hide your used condoms.

A chamber maid’s worst nightmare will often be finding a condom packet in a bin, but no condom. It usually means that there’s a condom somewhere. It means you’re going to have to spend the next part of your life looking for said condom. Once I could’t find the condom at all. I looked everywhere in the bedroom. I eventually found it, stuck to the glass shower door. Then I had to peel the fucker off, and bleach my hands. I was pretty unimpressed. 

Cum in a glass that doesn’t belong to you.

One of the worst rooms I ever cleaned didn’t appear to be all that bad to start with. I started with the bedroom, and moved onto the living room. I turned the TV on to find one of the porn channels. Already a bad omen – see above. The floor was covered in empty packets of Roses chocolates in a perfect circle, with two glasses at the end of the end of the circle. I started picking up the rubbish, only then to notice that one of the glasses was filled with a suspicious white liquid. Part of me was like yeah, whatever floats your boat, whatever gets you off. The other part of me despairs that they couldn’t have cleaned up their own happy time.

Leave cocaine in a drawer.

I’m sure whoever did this didn’t mean to, because they probably wasted quite a bit of money, but hotels do have your name and your address. They will call the police. It causes so much shit for someone who probably just didn’t need that in their day. If you’re gonna snort coke in a hotel room, at least be clever enough not to leave evidence.

Poo everywhere.

I’m pretty sad that this even needs to be said, but it really does. It happened to many times.


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